The year is 2017 and with just two years left to the World Cup the Pakistan Cricket Board is in a fix. Almost all other boards have decided the team which is going to represent (and hopefully win) them the World Cup. Pakistan, in a style only true to Pakistanis, has not.
But before the issue of the team is raised, one must also see who heads the institution which brought us a steady flow of world-class-batsmen-turned-mullahs-who-destroyed-their-career proudly since its inception.
Elections for the position of chairman of the board were held but to no avail, primarily because the Supreme Court gave a ruling which no one besides the pann-wallah and the Chief Justice himself really understands. Protests were held to protest the rulings but were followed by protests to challenge the elections. After days of loot-maar the protestors forgot what all the fuss was about and staged a sit-in to protest the 36 hours loadshedding call.
However, before one rambles on about the various problems the best country on earth faces we must face the issue at hand. Mohsin Khan, Pakistan’s greatest coach of all time (even better than a versus India series winning coach and obviously much stronger than a World Cup and World T20 winning coach) is in prime form to take over the PCB. The Lord of Lords (clichéd, but, thank you PTV Sports) has wooed the country after extra jazbati speeches and sit-in’s in all the cricket grounds the country has to offer.
Another candidate for the chairman’s post is none other than Pakistan’s sweetheart, Mathira. After marrying the lands other gulab-jaman, Meera, Mathira and Meera are on a quest to womanise the Islamic Republic of Pakistan.
At first it was Meera who wanted to run for the all important post to further strengthen her image, but she remembered that it was a cricketer who caused her haart-ach, which forced her to take a step back and continue her nationwide anti-Botox campaign. (Note: The readers must be informed that Meera and Veena went through a very complex medical procedure which let them have each others memories of their choosing. The internet has denied this) Mathira is no short of becoming the chairman, after her latest video helped a cricketer gain stardom when he did something unconventional enough to be noticed.
Lastly, the person who expects to be the next chailman is none other than Javed Miandad, who has already motioned that he will be referred to as Bhai in his tenure and will introduce pann-flavoured ice-cream and popcorn all around the worlds grand cricketing centres.
However, the matter of the chairman is to be decided by powers greater than Sachin and so we must move on. The team is still quite incomplete but the people of Pakistan (which consists of only those great speedsters, Rawalpindi Moped and Alexander KamBakhat, and legendary batsmen Yousuf Youhana and the great INZI) have come to conclusions in the many television/radio/newspaper/hologram/podcast and jalsa programmes that they proudly do.
Team selectors (he-who-must-not-be-named, he-who-must-not-be-named and he-who-must-not-be-named) have repeatedly said that they infact HAVE ALREADY made a team. The only problem is that it doesn’t have a middle, a starting and an ending (much like this piece).
While they are still thinking of the remaining squad, one standout youngster is definitely going to play the World Cup. In a spirited performance the new leggie made eight dismissals and affected two run-outs in a match against the world no.1 Ireland team. Earlier he had already walloped 86 runs off just 24 balls. A definite shoe-in for any side, Shahid Afridi will be the new face of Pakistan when the team in green take on much fancied Nepal in the opener.