Satire: Sethi talks about the ‘Great Trick’ against South Africa


Meet the subtle – PCB High Command Najam Sethi!

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“Now see, it is very simple… South Africa were clear favorite against Pakistan if you take pre-world cup scenario into account. On the other hand we were to qualify for quarterfinals but only as third Pool B team after winning four and conceding two – obviously at the hands of strong Indian and South African teams.

“But we wanted not only to beat the four lower ranked teams but also one of the better ranked team. I planned, although others also had little inputs but it was my idea at the end of the day,” Sethi said.

“Now here comes the plan… I asked team management Down Under to send Younus Khan as opener against India and keep Umar Akmal behind the stumps against India… Yes that were a bit idiotic but you need to be a bit more patient and wait how the ‘Big Trick’ would unravel in front of you…

“Then after this silent message, that Pakistan was not performing well, to the world and especially teams playing in the World Cup, we played opener Nasir Jamshed in three consecutive World Cup games where he failed to reach double figures even when three match scores were combined. After that everyone was more then convinced of our prospects…

“And please don’t look at me like that… We and the team management were not idiots… We waited to show our trump card Sarfraz Ahmed when everyone thought we would lose to dangerous South African team…

“Haven’t you seen Hugh Jackman’s ‘Real Steal’ where the ‘Hero’ robot named ‘Atom’ – although a very insignificant but he went on to beat Word Champion named Zeus. Okay… he didn’t but yes he was people’s ‘Champion’…

“So, my plans, if you have seen the movie, you will know it were based on it… And at the end of the day we did achieve what we planned for, that is beating mighty South Africans, who were tipped by many as best team going in the World Cup…

“Now, breath in and out and again, and go back when we started World Cup campaign. If we had played our best team against India and others, the results might be a bit changed. We would have defeated West Indies and may put a bit more tough resistance against India. However, we would have lost to South Africa as they would have come with a better plan against us knowing all of our strengths and weaknesses.

“I think it must now make sense to you. When we meet Australia in quarterfinals, every Pakistani will be hoping that Pakistan, who could beat South Africa, can also beat Australia… Can you now see the genius behind our plans… You now must appreciate for what we did… Its all about hope and we have given our nation a hope and our players may now put something extraordinary against Australia and it may be that they go all the way to win the World Cup…”

“I asked our sniper Moin to go to the Casino, which he did without questioning. And then I sent Commander Waqar Younis to take a few snaps… Earlier, I had also asked Shahid Afridi along with seven other players to break curfew by returning late from the bar… Everything will now make sense to you… Grant Luden, our field marshal resignation was all part of our ‘Great Trick’ against South Africa…”